A Breathy Sigh
by AA TTrue GGamer
Summary: Because foxes are tricksters, people are stupid and gender is optional.
1. Chapter 1

**A Breathy Sigh**

**Author's Note:** Here's one of two Naruto projects I have going. My aim here is to do something rarely done; to completely re-make the Naruto world to be more like how it should be in my eyes.

As in, less about power levels and more about stealthy ninja stuff.

And mythological beings.

That said, I've only read the manga up to Naruto vs. Pain in Konoha (and even then, only half-heartedly), so any new info introduce after then can take several hikes over various high ledges, because I don't give a fuck.

* * *

Chapter 1

**

* * *

**

Sarutobi Hiruzen stared at the child in front of him. Said child had appeared in his office with nary a sound, having managed to sneak past all of the Hokage's personal guard (all ANBU, all seasoned and all, apparently, easily tricked), apparently for the express purpose of making one of the strangest demands he's ever heard.

Collecting his thoughts, Sarutobi turned once more to regard the guarded expression the ten year old boy in front of him held. He seemed to visibly compose himself before addressing the expectant minor.

"Naruto-kun, why on earth would you ever want to join the kunoichi seduction classes?" he inquired, still bemused by the child's odd request.

"Isn't it obvious, Hokage-ji?" the boy asked. "They'll be useful."

This reply flummoxed the withered leader. He could not, no matter how hard he tried, even _begin_ to dream up a situation in which the art of seduction could prove useful in a shinobi's career (aside from aiding in resisting such arts, but little Naruto was far too young to be thinking of such things). Nonplussed as he was, a creeping suspicion began to form in his mind.

"Naruto-kun," he began. "I am… aware of the abilities granted you by your… _tenant_. However, I fail to see how, even with those abilities in mind, these classes could ever be of use to a young man such as yourself."

A look of mixed confusion and consternation crossed the child's face at Sarutobi's words.

"Young man?" he asked, almost as if to himself. Suddenly, he looked down, as if shocked to discover that he was, in fact, male. An understanding look crossed his face, and the creeping suspicion in the Hokage's mind began to loudly ring alarm bells.

There was not much to it; a subtle yet noticeable shift to the features, a barely perceptible change in posture, and then Uzumaki Naruto raised her eyes to look at the old man sitting opposite her.

_'Well, this changes everything,'_ thought Sarutobi.

* * *

The worst kept secret in Konoha was that Uzumaki Naruto was the Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the ninth and strongest of the Biju and the one that had attacked the village ten years previously. The secret was so poorly guarded because everyone over the age of twelve knew it, and were (supposedly) unable to tell anyone who didn't.

The best kept secret in Konoha is that Uzumaki Naruto is the son of Uzumaki Kushina, a former kunoichi of the now-destroyed Uzugakure, and Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure. This secret was so well guarded because only four people currently alive knew it, and none of them would ever tell a soul before the time came and Naruto could defend himself.

Somewhere between the two was another secret; on the night that the Kyubi had been sealed into Naruto by his father, Namikaze Minato, the fox had, on a level so deep as to be spiritual in nature, fundamentally altered the human known as Uzumaki Naruto, so much so that the child had ceased to exist.

In its place was the infant kitsune, Uzumaki Naruto. Precisely eight beings in the world knew this. That number was about to rise.

* * *

Yuuhi Kurenai sighed.

Though there were many different ways to sigh, this was not one of the common ones; it was not a sigh of frustration, despair, anger or fatigue. It was not a sigh of happiness, laziness or content. It was not a sigh promising fun things in the night, nor was it a sigh indicating a painful, rude (and possibly fatal) awakening. It was not the keening sigh of the injured, not the heavy sigh of the dying and not the rattling sigh of air escaping a fresh corpse.

It was the sigh of a woman who needed to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible so that she could forget the last fifteen minutes of her life.

She had been summoned to see the Hokage at nine 'o' clock that morning with regards to her current post at the Academy. Arriving five minutes early, as was her wont, she had been allowed in by the Sandaime's secretary almost immediately. Her first surprise had been that Uzumaki Naruto was present in what she had expected to be a private meeting.

She had seen the Kyuubi's jailor in the past, and whilst she bore him no ill will, the memories of the night Konoha had been brought low prevented her from holding any sort of favour towards him. That night had been a particularly poignant defeat for Kurenai, as all of her prized genjutsu, the techniques she had spent years perfecting, had been as _nothing_ before a master of illusions as powerful and experienced as the Kyuubi. She had been rendered completely useless that night (as had many), fit only to recover the dead and the dying. Such a personal defeat stung her pride in ways little else could, and the memory of it had always prevented her from looking kindly upon the container of the source of her total humiliation. Now, however, things had changed.

Upon entering his office, Kurenai had been asked by Sarutobi to sit. That was her second surprise, and the first sign that this was to be a serious meeting. For standard orders, the ninja reporting usually remained standing; to be asked to sit was tantamount to a direct statement that the following conversation would be of significant import.

Sarutobi had then told her something amazing. Despite their bigotry, despite their hatred, despite their misguided rage and sorrow, those in the village who believed that Naruto was a demon were right.

At the same time, he wasn't the demon they thought he was. Sarutobi had explained to her that Naruto was as much a kitsune as the Kyuubi that had attacked, and as much the Kyuubi as Sarutobi himself.

Then he had gotten Naruto to demonstrate. The boy had held up one hand, whispered something she barely hear whilst the air behind him distorted slightly, and a pale blue flame exploded into life at the tip of each of his fingers. He had drawn his hand away, leaving the little balls of azure seemingly dangling precariously in mid-air, before they began, slowly at first but quickly speeding from their ponderous gait, to orbit around him. Another word from the blond and the small impossibilities winked out of existence once more.

Kurenai had sat in stunned silence, sure that she was gaping in a very un-ladylike fashion, until the Sandaime had politely coughed to regain her attention. Then he had had Naruto show he the source of her desire to get absolutely shitfaced.

Uzumaki Naruto had, before her eyes, transformed himself into a carbon copy of her. Following this, the Hokage had ordered her to attempt every method she knew of to dispel genjutsu, and _none of them had worked_.

This meant one of three things; the first was that she had lost all talent for genjutsu overnight, a thought she immediately dismissed. The second was that Naruto was better at genjutsu than her, a thought she had no desire to entertain. The final possibility, the one she was being told was the reality of the situation by the man she put her trust in every day of her career, was that Naruto had just physically altered his flesh to exactly duplicate her, right down to the exact state of her clothing and hair style.

And then she'd been ordered to accept him into her class in kunoichi seduction arts at the Academy.

And she had accepted.

And Naruto had simply smiled faintly about it, ad if her acceptance was a foregone conclusion he had made long ago and was only now physically seeing.

Hence her need to get completely hammered.

Kurenai sighed again. Where was Anko when you needed her?


	2. Chapter 2

**A Breathy Sigh**

**Chapter 2**

**Author's Note:** I have the first half of the next chapter typed up on my iPod, and now it's a matter of transferring it to my computer and then finishing it off, which I'll do over the next few days. However, I'll be slowing down again over the next few weeks; I went to Games Day last Sunday, pre-ordered the new Necron Tomb Stalker, and it arrived today, so I'm going to build that and have as many games as I can with it over the next few weeks.

Therefore, enjoy this. ENJOY IT. DO IT, DO IT NOW.

* * *

The day after her meeting with the Hokage, Kurenai had woken with a hangover that seemed intent on murdering her painfully to find herself naked and entwined with an equally clad Mitarashi Anko. This was hardly anything new.

What was new was the sight of her newest student casually staring at the two of them from the couch opposite the bed. Upon seeing that she was awake, the young kitsune disappeared into the kitchen whilst Kurenai attempted to gather her scattered thoughts and extricate herself from Anko's amorous grip. Only the latter was successful, but by the time she was free, Naruto had returned with a glass of cool water, which she happily downed. This cleared her head enough to cause her to inquire as to his presence, as well as to regain some degree of modesty.

Wrapping a sheet around her exposed body and drawing herself up to her full height, Kurenai rounded upon the intruding youth, but was stopped short before her interrogation could begin by a simple whispered question.

"You don't remember last night, do you?" the ten-year-old asked, staring up at her with wide orbs of deepest cerulean.

Her anger snuffed like a candle in a hurricane, Kurenai flashed the boy an inquisitive look. In response his eyes darted to Anko's still nude form and back, prompting her to wake up her lover so that explanations could be meted out in one fell swoop. Anko was roused with no small degree of fuss, but eventually she was sitting unclothed next to Kurenai, nowhere near as concerned with modesty as the brunette and in fact far more concerned with the reason a small, impressionable child would be watching them sleep in her apartment.

As it turned out, Naruto had returned home after yesterday's meeting, flush with happy thoughts at finally having something go his way, only to find that Fate was a fickle fucker indeed. So it was that a thoroughly less spirited Naruto had trudged back to the Hokage with news that his apartment was now so much charcoal. With no-one else to send him to, Sarutobi had sent an ANBU to drop Naruto off with Kurenai, who had by that point found Anko and was half-way through her self-appointed mission of getting completely sloshed. He had been dropped off with them, and had followed them back to Anko's apartment, by which point they were both too drunk and too horny to notice their diminutive tagalong.

Having been brought up to speed, Kurenai sat back, satisfied with the explanation.

"So, how d'you know this runt, 'Nai-chan?"

Apparently, she was the only one.

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen found himself in the peculiar (but, unfortunately, not uncommon) position of finding out quite a bit more about his subordinates than he really needed to know.

Case in point was Kurenai (who smelt faintly of alcohol, Anko and sex) asking if Anko (who smelt strongly of alcohol, Kurenai and sex) could be let in on Naruto's secret, as the three of them now appeared to be living together. From the smell of them, and from the dishevelled sex-hair both were wearing, it was clear that the two of them had been at it like bunnies the previous night.

Naruto had trailed in behind the two, seemingly uncaring, but Sarutobi kept shooting him concerned glances and he kept responding back with blank stares. In the end, Hiruzen told Anko of Naruto's nature.

Anko immediately requested that her close friend and direct superior, Morino Ibiki, be made privy to this knowledge, at which point Sarutobi decided he was too old for this bullshit.

Besides, he had told Anko, Ibiki already knew. Who else would perform Naruto's annual mental health assessments?

* * *

About a week passed. Naruto had not yet entered Kurenai's class, but over the week he had carefully created the image he would do so with.

Long, dark hair set in an ornate ponytail by an extravagant copper hair clip in the shape of a butterfly stretched down to the knees, accompanied by two bangs which framed a face pale from years of seemingly sunless houses. Eyes the colour of a forest's autumnal tears rested above a petite, delicate nose, which smoothly transitioned into a mouth as soft as a newborn babe's. Thin, seemingly frail arms extended from a torso adorned with barely-there breasts and ended in hands that seemed far too soft for a potential killer. In contrast, her legs showed some muscle, enough that the casual observer would notice, but not enough to instantly indicate 'kunoichi'.

All of this covered by a reinforced battle kimono seemingly made from red silk, imprinted with a small orange flame pattern that was bright enough to stand out but dark enough to remain unobtrusive, with sleeves that completely covered the hands and tied with an obi the shade of a cherry blossom, and the image was complete.

It was an image that hinted at frailty. It would scream fragility, were screaming not such an inelegant, un-ladylike medium. Instead, it whispered of delicacy. And Naruto had taken to wearing this image all the time around the house. Add to this the fact that Anko and Ibiki had been helping him perfect the psyche and personality, and the character of the merchant's daughter and wannabe kunoichi was complete. All she needed now was a name…

* * *

Sarutobi looked up at the sound of his door opening, greeting his newest visitor with the casual belligerence only old friends could achieve.

"I see you've managed to poke your head up from underground again, you old Cyclops."

"And I see that you've somehow managed to age ten years in two months, you ugly monkey," the bandaged man replied, hiding a grin that was the mirror of his friend and rival's. "How you haven't yet become senile, I'll never know."

"Well, I know how much you like to win, so I thought I'd let you have first place on this occasion," Sarutobi retorted. Both men shared a chuckle before Danzo sat down across from the Hokage – uninvited, of course; such trivial formalities went unheeded between friends such as them.

"Tell me, Sarutobi," Danzo began. "Why has the fox child been enrolled in kunoichi seduction classes? I can see no purpose for them in a shinobi's life."

Sarutobi replied with a knowing smirk. "My friend, Naruto is not a shinobi," he said smugly, clearly enjoying the knowledge Danzo was deprived of. "He is a kitsune."

"I don't see what that has to…" Danzo trailed off as the implications hit him like a boot to the head. He narrowed his one eye at Sarutobi, who smiled serenely in response. "Hiruzen, this could be the genesis of one of the greatest ninja we've ever produced," he said slowly, as if tasting every word before releasing it.

"How do you figure that?" Hiruzen idly asked, having already come to this conclusion.

"If what you imply is true, think of the possibilities as an infiltrator! Or a spymaster; the boy could replace-"

"Child," Sarutobi interrupted.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Given the nature of what we're currently discussing, I believe gender-neutral pronouns are the order of the day."

Danzo blinked at that. "The child has particular skill at imitating the fairer sex?" he inquired.

"Well, he lives with Mitarashi and Yuuhi as of last week, so…" Sarutobi trailed off as if this explained everything.

It did.

Danzo nodded his understanding. "And where is young Uzumaki now?" he asked. His response was for Sarutobi to stand up and usher him over to a familiar crystal ball.

* * *

"Class, we have a new student joining us today on the Hokage's orders," Kurenai announced to the twenty or so young girls before her. She turned to the door. "You can come in now," she called, bracing herself for disaster. What she got was significantly more feminine.

Like the caress of a snowflake upon one's cheek, the ten-year-old girl seemingly glided into the room. She stopped at the desk and turned to face her new classmates (who were struck dumb by her appearance and entrance), before bowing deeply. In a demure, elegant voice, she introduced herself.

"My name is Tsumeki Mei. Please take good care of me."


	3. Chapter 3

**A Breathy Sigh**

**Chapter 3

* * *

**

It was, Mei reasoned, incredibly easy to act the part of the dainty merchant's daughter. In fact, with the aid of the Kyuubi (which manifested itself as a soft voice in her ear, caring and even motherly at time) she could adopt almost any persona near-flawlessly. However, both agreed that it would be in her best interest to learn how to craft and maintain any disguise for herself; Mei agreed because to use the Kyuubi's advice cheapened the experience and ruined the challenge, and the Kyuubi agreed because it was something every kitsune should know on principle. In the grand scheme of things, however, she had not entered this class to learn the art of seduction (this was considered a bonus), but instead it was to test whether she could stay in character for the duration of the course. As it was, sitting in the back of the class and listening to Kurenai's current lecture, Mei thought she was doing a good job.

The empty seats all around her were proof of that.

"Now then, who can tell me what colour is best used to distract the eye?" Kurenai asked, looking over the raised hands before picking one. "Yamanaka-kun?"

"Red, sensei," the blonde answered.

"Correct. Who can tell me the best place to strike a subdued target for a quick, clean kill?"

Fewer hands were raised this time, those less serious about being kunoichi seemingly losing interest or clamming up.

"Haruno-kun?"

The shy girl squeaked slightly, not having expected to be chosen, but nonetheless made an effort to answer.

"Um, sensei… is it the carotid artery?"

"Close, Haruno-kun. That is what you would aim for in battle, but I'm talking about assassinations and the like." Kurenai saw the girl seem to sag before a whisper from Yamanaka Ino next to her perked her up. "Tsumeki-kun, do you know the answer?"

"The jugular vein, sensei," Mei answered. "Haruno-san was close, but cutting the jugular vein produces the same effect as the carotid artery over a longer period of time whilst still granting a reasonably quick death, so there's less mess to clean up."

"Excellent, Tsumeki-kun," Kurenai replied.

Yamanaka Ino turned and shot a withering glare at the "teacher's pet", who showed no response as usual.

She couldn't break character, after all.

* * *

"What's up, 'Nai-chan?"

Kurenai sighed into her sake, tilting her head to look at her housemate. She gestured to a seat opposite her and then signalled a waiter for some more alcohol.

Anko took the proffered seat and leaned forwards. "You didn't answer me. What's up?"

"My new student, Tsumeki Mei-kun," the brunette replied. At Anko's questioning look, she continued. "It's like she just can't connect with people her own age. She's excellent in class but that's part of the problem; her classmates despise her because she's doing so well."

"So what, she's depressed?" Anko asked, ordering a plate of dango from the waiter who delivered their fresh round of drinks.

"No, she's not, and that's part of the problem too!" Kurenai wailed. "It's like she doesn't even attempt to connect with them. She hardly speaks to them, she distances herself from them, and she doesn't even seem to acknowledge that they're there for the most part."

"What is Naruto thinking?" Anko idly wondered, her leg stretching out underneath the table.

"I don't know, Anko, I just don't know. I don't know what to do, I EEP!" Kurenai ended her tirade-in-the-making early with a high-pitched squeaking noise. "Anko!" she hissed, cheeks reddening. Anko's smirk was a lesson in sensual promises.

"You and I have business at home, Kurenai. We'll speak to the brat when we're there." Kurenai visibly attempted to compose herself, alcohol and Anko being the primary causes she couldn't, and agreed with her friend cum lover.

Anko's smirk widened as she _temporarily_ withdrew her foot.

**

* * *

**

Arriving home at about ten 'o' clock, the two discovered that Morino Ibiki (Anko's boss at the ANBU T&I Division) had stopped by for a house call. Finding Mei alone, he had decided to cook dinner for her, also beginning to teach her to cook for herself. The scene that the terrible twosome walked in on thus seemed to be pure fiction. Morino Ibiki, having discarded his trench coat for a frilly apron that had to have come from somewhere (but which, for the life of her, Anko couldn't remember ever owning),was showing the laudably smaller figure of Tsumeki Mei how to cut vegetables. She had apparently cut herself once already, judging by how she had one finger in her mouth in a fashion likely to cause diabetes from being so cute.

"Ibiki?" Anko faintly asked. The man turned around, wrinkling his nose at the strong smell of alcohol wafting off of them.

"Anko," he said by way of greeting. "We need to have a talk about responsibility." Anko gulped. "Yuuhi," Ibiki said sternly, turning to the older brunette in the room. "Take a shower. Cold."

Kurenai staggered off to do as ordered whilst Anko was left to speak with Ibiki.

Nothing was said at first, Ibiki instead content to leave Anko stewing and go back to helping Mei cut vegetables, only deigning to pay attention to his subordinate long enough to fix her with a glare that was as clear as the sky in its meaning.

_Don't leave; I'm not done with you._

Mei continued on preparing the food, receiving less and less direction from Ibiki as she went, until Kurenai returned, looking visibly more sober and less horny; the chuunin took Mei into the next room along at Ibiki's insistence, choosing this moment to have a teacher-student talk with her. This left the two Tokubetsu Jonin alone.

Ibiki coolly regarded her a moment. "Anko," he began. "I am sure you are well aware of my views on childcare." It was not a question. Ibiki had long made it known that he believed that raising a child was one of those things in life that couldn't afford to be done half-assed. He was also well-known to volunteer himself for any interrogations involving child molesters, paedophiles and the like.

Usually, there wasn't anything left of them when he was finished, but Ibiki himself refused to speak about their eventual fates.

"You left a child under your care alone so that you could go out drinking with your lover," Ibiki continued, accusation coating his words like a subtle poison over a dagger. "You didn't leave food made for her; you didn't even check to see if she could cook for herself. You didn't make any arrangements for the child, despite it being your responsibility."

Throughout his admonishment, Ibiki's voice remained steady and even, and he hadn't turned away from his culinary activities even once. Anko made no move to defend herself against his accusations, instead accepting them quietly. In hindsight, she and Kurenai had really fucked up.

"However, I didn't come here to berate you. I came here to borrow Uzumaki, at Hokage-sama's recommendation." At this, he finally turned to look at Anko's confused visage, a troubled expression marring his own face. "Ever since the Uchiha went extinct last month, ANBU has been covering the police force in Konoha, and I volunteered T&I to help out with some of the work in the red light district."

Anko snorted at that, eliciting a wry grin from Ibiki; T&I were (informally) known as "the most badass badasses who ever badass-ed this side of badass-dom" for a reason, so it made sense that Ibiki would make them clean up the worst district in Konoha.

As with any large city in the Elemental Countries, Konoha had a thriving red light district, suited to take care of any civilian or ninja's needs. As it was a ninja village, however, there were some things that were allowed in other cities that weren't in Konoha. Anko knew this. What Ibiki said next, however, still completely threw her for a loop.

"Against my best wishes, Hokage-sama has decided to start grooming Uzumaki to be an intelligence operative. Ordinarily, I'd be over the moon if someone with that skill-set, potential and degree of raw talent fell into our hands like this, but it's the introduction to our world that Hokage-sama has planned that I dislike." Ibiki's unreadable stare bored straight through her skull.

"We need Uzumaki to act as the bait in a sting operation targeted at a child prostitution ring that's sprung up in the last few weeks."

**

* * *

**

"Tsumeki-kun, can you explain to me the relationship between you and your classmates?" Kurenai asked of the girl before her.

"The riff-raff all dislike me because they perceive my obvious talent and superiority as some form of veiled threat or insult," the girl replied in a bored tone, idly examining her fingernails. Kurenai was struck by the sheer arrogance of the young kitsune, so much so that she didn't realise she'd lashed out until her palm recoiled off of Tsumeki's cheek.

There was a brief moment there; the world stood still as both women tried to understand the ramifications of what had just happened. Then time resumed.

"You callous little bitch!" Kurenai yelled. "I don't know why you're acting like this, Uzumaki, but believe you me, if it continues you'll be out of my class and out of my apartment so fast that you'll hit the other side of the street face-first!"

"Don't call me that." A voice like arctic wind punctured the air, stealing the wind from the sails of Kurenai's fury even as the brown eyes gazing up at her attempted to ignite her on the spot. "I am **not** Uzumaki Naruto. Uzumaki Naruto is a loud-mouthed, blond boy who would sell his own left arm for a friend his own age; such a child would not act in the way I have. I am **not** Uzumaki Naruto."

The vitriol in her voice gave Kurenai further pause as she tried to think of what the girl in front of her could possibly mean. Evidently her confusion had managed to worm its way onto her face, for Mei sighed and began to explain.

"When I transform, Kurenai-san, I do more than alter my appearance; I _become_ the persona attached to the appearance. The person you see before you is Tsumeki Mei, both inside and out. I am, for all intents and purposes, a different person entirely; Uzumaki Naruto does not, at this point, exist. As such, calling me 'Uzumaki' would be akin to me calling you 'Mitarashi'."

"How… that's almost impossible! Humans are such complex creatures; it's hard enough establishing your own identity, let alone another person's entirely... and switching between them freely..." Kurenai trailed off, before gazing back at the girl opposite her and asking the most pressing question on her mind. "How are you able to keep up such an elaborate disguise?"

In response, the girl began to laugh, before turning and walking to her room. At the door, she turned back.

"Kitsune are different from humans, Kurenai-san. You should know this already." With her piece said, Mei disappeared into her room, supposedly getting ready for dinner.

It was at this point that Ibiki and a pensive-looking Anko entered the main room, a large plate of some foreign pasta dish Kurenai didn't recognise clutched in Ibiki's mitten-clad hands. Upon seeing her friend, Anko's contemplative countenance melted away into a concerned and slightly nervous visage.

"Hey, 'Nai-chan. Um, Ibiki and I have something to ask you, and you're not going to like it."

That would prove to be the understatement of the millennium.

**

* * *

**

**Author's Note:** OK, so this is quite a bit later than I intended; I got to the bit with Kurenai and Mei arguing, and then froze for a few weeks. Then I was bludgeoned upside the head with a combination of sleep-deprivation and heavy workload.

Then Black Ops came out. Holy fuck, _**Black Ops**_. It's like sex, but with more dakka.

So yeah. Read, review, whatever. Usual self-aggrandising spiel goes here. Ten cookies and a walrus to whoever can guess where I'm going with this.


End file.
